Oct. 23rd, 2014

rjtremor: (RJ by Vince!)
So, I said I'd go into what's been going on as of late, the fun part is just figuring out where to start. This'll be the most comprehensive as I haven't used anything like LJ in ages, nor do I really use FA for such things either, but since folks follow me here in a decent amount, this is probably the easiest to do. I may crosspost it to LJ later on, we'll see.

So, lessee, some backstory for the last couple of years. Ever since my last attempted move, I've essentially been unemployed, having had no local job luck, and the main reasons I didn't move and haven't yet are mom and dad, particularly their health issues and my own lack of desire to deal with the drama of telling them I'm moving and all. It tends to end up being an explosion of emotion and lots of loud voices and what have you. These last couple of years have centered more on the former with the latter mixed in for good measure, but in general, this is how it's been, though I've had a lot of thoughts helping to push all of that aside. Back in the summer of 2012, I took a month's trip up north to Wisconsin, had an absolutely wonderful time that had the purpose of me learning about the area there and getting a feel of if I wanted to move there or not. The answer was an overwhelming yes, but of course I've had a few personal requirements before going, one being the desire to have a job for awhile and save money. That hasn't happened, so in the time between then and now, I've done a little mental prepping with the folks, especially mom as she's been the more reasonable of the two with the thoughts. There have been a few sacrifices I've made along the way that involve choices I could have made that involved moving out with a job even waiting for me.

Fast forward to this summer, particularly August 3rd. I had already been dealing with a mood crash the night before, a lot of frustration over things as they were, a feeling reinforced by dad when we had a small back and forth about things and how I've felt for awhile now. Got up that day, started watching the Indycar race on TV, started fiddling around with my computer. It was an older system of sorts, used for the most part of the last 4 or so years, was sent to me by guildies in WoW after problems came up in my previous system. I had been feeling kinda concerned about it because of how it'd been acting off and on for awhile, so I'd already been getting some hand-me-down parts from friends in prep for making a better system, all while having another system in the other room that, for some reason, did not want to post. I had built it on my trip back in 2012, used it for about 6 months, shut it down to do a monitor swap, refused to post for me afterward. Anyway, poked at my system, started doing things on it, and then things froze and the CPU fan went into high RPMs. Hard shutdown, restart, works fine for about 10-15 minutes, does it again, over and over again, 'til it won't even go through start-up before freezing. I snapped internally and decided I just couldn't take life's status quo anymore. I stated my intent to move(with a little encouragement) and began prepping for it. Mom was on my side, and dad had been less emotional on his pushing to stop me. He threw his hints and suggestions to try to get me to stay, no matter how illogical they were for me. I set a date for myself, by the end of September. Packing was going great, things were feeling pretty positive, especially as I was able to get back on my other system again. I took it to a local repair shop to get the PSU checked, it posted for him and started up just fine after I got home. Life was actually seeming to work for me again.

You know how it is when life's apparently going smoothly.

About almost halfway through September, dad started becoming a factor in everything, in the case of his cancer he's dealt with for years beginning to throw complications around. Come to find out, the cancer had spread to his bones about 4 years previously, and I was never told about it because mom figured I'd put the pieces together when he had to start doing radiation therapy and such, said cancer being the reason he was having trouble moving around more and more these days rather than the shingles he had that I assumed caused some nerve damage and the like. The reason I found out is because they were going to start putting him on a new treatment that looked/looks promising. I started considering my choice and putting it off 'til spring as mom was also dealing with her own moving thoughts. She wants to go back to Michigan, to the family, something I've been in full support of and desire of for years. And then he started having falls and mental issues. Me and mom did our best to handle the former, but the latter was something we didn't discuss 'til the night we took him to the ER. In the midst of dealing with the falls, my resolve gave in and I knew I wasn't going to be able to leave with him like he was. The night we took him to the ER though, me and mom had a talk about his mental state and realizing that this was just something we couldn't handle, that there was just something really wrong. We resolved to take him in the morning. Mom made a discovery though that changed her mind about waiting. When we got there and when he was situated in the ER room, the picture became crystal clear. He wasn't going, hadn't been for awhile, because, for lack of a better description, his pipes were swollen shut. When they finished draining him, he had had 3 liters of fluid in him, possibly more. He had to stay in the hospital because his kidneys were shut down at the time and he had to recover from high potassium and low sodium, both contributing factors in his mental state(he couldn't remember things he was just told or things he'd done, was an extreme case of dementia one could say). As of now, he's home and still recovering from some aspects, but he's able to move around and such in much better ways than he could before.

Working our way to a happy ending there, right? Nah, something else always has to pop up as well and get mixed in to add insult/injury. In the last instance, it had to do with me particularly.

Back in July, I started having issues with my teeth, one in particular that had been rather angry back in 2010, or so I thought. So for the last few months I'd been dealing with twinges and throbs of pain, nothing too serious, but no less noticeable. Then a few weeks ago, the pain spiked and I started having immense issues. I started looking into options for insurance through with the ACA's help, went to a local dentist, had x-rays done, got on antibiotics, and was told the bad news about what needed to be done and the costs. Monday, I had work done to have my two upper wisdom teeth pulled. Recovery is going well, but it was definitely un-fun the first day or so. The process itself only took 35 minutes, was put under for it. Both teeth were severely rotted and the left was the one causing the main issues. Now it's all just a matter of dealing with my sleep schedule being wonky like it tends to, patiently waiting to be able to drink pop again, and waiting to be able to eat my usual foods. I'm getting better enough to be able to handle the latter, but the former has been bothersome. When I had the procedure done, I hadn't slept for 24 hours, I just couldn't sleep at all. Zzzquill did no good beforehand, and I haven't tried using it since then. I'm sleeping my usual again, early morning to mid-afternoon, hoping to get back to late evening to early-ish morning. Above all, the discomfort I was feeling before is thankfully gone, so yay progress.

With that, there's life as it's been. I know it's technically more than "threes" with things such as cancelling the move mixed in, but I consider it three with the different flashpoints. Currently, I'm mentally exhausted, pushed beyond what I thought my limits were, needing a vacation and wanting some positive to start happening. I tend to think of life as a balance of positive and negative, but the negative side has heavily been in control. Positivity needs to storm in and wrench control away for awhile. Heh. But yeah, there ya go, and kudos to you if you read this wall of text.

December 2015

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